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Pattycake Online (full review)

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Pattycake Online is an almost nude tease site. Is anyone still reading this review? Pattycake is a very small (weight: ninety-five pounds, height: four-foot-eleven) blonde-haired blue-eyed cutie with an ample bosom that never gets completely nude for her site. Never. You see, Pattycake is a teaser who enjoys teasin' her horny members. Don't get me wrong, there's plenty of skin on Pattycake Online, there just isn't any nudity. Instead, there are dozens of photosets and videos of Pattycake posing in a number of fetching costumes and erotic ensembles.

Site Facts


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  • Average length:

    6 min.
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Video Formats

  • mpg (1400 kbps, 352x240)


  • Extras: Live cams, Forum

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Review (Updated by Mike)

The members area of Pattycake Online is extremely simple to navigate. It displays all of the exclusive content on the site, which includes photos, videos, webcam archives, an informative bio (Pattycake's favorite snack is Goobers!), an active forum that Pattycake herself posts on constantly and a ZIP shop where members can purchase a zipped photoset of Pattycake dumping spaghetti all over herself (no, seriously) or a zipped video of Pattycake washing a car (I'm not usre if Pattycake gets nude in this special zipped sets). Again, Pattycake never gets totally nude on Pattycake Online, but that doesn't stop her from showing lotsa skin, including cleavage and, yes, even the occasional cameltoe. Pattycake may not pose nude, but that sure doesn't stop her from sporting sheer tops or being sprayed down with beer while wearing a flimsy white shirt! It's actually kinda fun to see how Pattycake manages to cover up her most private parts on Pattycake Online.

Currently, there are two hundred and twenty-six photo galleries plus sixty bonus sets in the photo archive on Pattycake Online. The galleries contain anywhere from a dozen photos to well over one hundred average-resolution photos that look pretty darn good to my eyes. Pattycake is photographed in a wide variety of outfits (from a couple different Supergirl costumes to an Alice in Wonderland dress) and settings. I must say, Pattycake sure knows how to pick out and model sexy undergarments!

Currently, there are one hundred and seven screen capture galleries plus thirty-three extra galleries in the webcam archive on Pattycake Online. These screen captures come from previous Pattycake webcam shows and look alright for screen captures (sure, they're a little on the small side, but what else would expect from a screen capture?). I have no idea how often Pattycake does webcam shows, but I would guess they must announce each one somewhere in the forum.

Currently, there are eighty-seven videos plus thirty-four videos in the video archive on Pattycake Online. All the videos are available for streaming in the MPEG format. The videos can be streamed as a whole or in one-minute clips. The full videos on Pattycake Online average about six minutes in length and look alright. Most of the videos on Pattycake Online show Pattycake stripping, dancing and posing, but many of the videos also depict Pattycake being covered with slime or rolling around in food or goo for some reason - Pattycake is one messy girl!

Bottom Line

Despite this site being strictly tease, and not even softcore nude teasing, the fact that I couldn't see all of Pattycake was the allure. I found myself going through all the sets trying to catch a glimpse of this tiny blonde angel, and while there are some nice see-thru sets, you never really get to see all of her - one day hopefully!


$26.20 for 30 days (recurring)
$52.34 for 90 days (recurring)

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User comments/reviews and ratings of Pattycake Online:

  • by shelton  -  Rating: 5/5

    She is the most beautiful girl on the internet. Absolutely gorgeous in every possible way. It took me a while to join this site because all of the reviews say there is no hardcore fucking, but I took the trial and have since upgraded to a full month member. This cute blonde teen will tease you in ways you have never been teased. Be prepared to fall in love.

  • by Trecheride  -  Rating: 4/5

    Pattcake is beautiful and she has all the tools that's for sure. She just might be the hottest four foot, eleven piece of ass in the world but with this site we're not going to find out. Because this site is so softcore that we don't even get a clear look at her beautiful breasts. And I don't think we ever will at this site. This site is only for those of us who can basically fall in love with this girl and just love watching everything she does and that is not a hard thing to do with such a cutie. Nice site.

  • by LennieBarwitz  -  Rating: 4/5

    Pattycake Online can best be described as an almost nude site. I think the girl is very, very hot and I would love to see her naked but no like this site is now. I'll keep coming back and checking though because the minute she gets naked I'll be here to see it.

  • by KevinSawyer  -  Rating: 3/5

    Damn, what a tease this little, under five foot tall, piece of ass this girl is. There's nto even any nudity in this site. I thought I was joining a porn site not the girl scouts. But she sure is cute...this is going to be a hard decision and I guess I'll stay the month and and see how I like it.

  • by JimmyJ  -  Rating: 3/5

    Pattycake is a tiny litte babe with a hot figure who only gets almost nude and teases the fuck out of anybody who will watch her. She sure teases my dick like crazy.
    I'd like to turn this little babe into my own private spinner. The site is okay.

  • by Mike  -  Rating: 2/5

    damn it I am getting tired of all these tease sites. I know the illusion to see a hot chic almost naked is ok,but why do all these sites say when u join u get to see me all nude? I don't know bout u but it gets old after a while

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